I've been feeling odd and mellow and contemplative as of late. Trying to be more open minded and such BS. (Is this justification or something? Who knows: it's late :) Anyway...

Some time in... the summer of 1999? My cousin Karl is visiting my family, and he showed me AOL Instant Messenger. I had only used ICQ beforehand, so I wasn't expecting much out of yet another instant messenging system.

I didn't use AIM much over the next year. Occasionally I'd log on to talk with a friend or two, but there didn't seem to be much point.

This last summer (2000), I figured I'd give it another try. It's amazing how many random people will talk to you if you have a screen name that starts with A and you provide a profile. Approximately 95% of these people were female. The conversations would always start off with a decidedly smalltalk feel. "What do you like to do?" "What music do you like?" et cetera.

I named this interesting (but kinda cool) phenomenon 'random chicks' and even had a seperate group in my buddy list for them. As I'd get to know a particular random chick, they'd almost invariably fall in love with me. I found this intriguing, as I've never really experienced anything similar (no, Bailey doesn't count). I met girl after girl who "couldn't live without me". However, the intrigue inevitably wore off, and I don't talk to many anymore (except the cool and intelligent ones, of course).

Since I moved on to a much better instant messenging system, I don't get any more random chicks. Well, until recently. Apparently, word is traveling through the grapevine that I'm this wonderful person (don't believe it)! I've had a fair number of new random chicks... Of course, they're looking for somebody to fall in love with. Is there really such a lack of somewhat nice guys out there that girls would fall in love with some completely random guy through such an exceedingly limited channel as AIM?

I don't get it. Maybe I never will.

btw, everything2 is quite possibly the coolest thing the Internet has produced.

I think my news posts are growing exponentially. Maybe programming is boring now and I'll I want to do is write. >:)

You never wanted me to go.
You didn't dare to let me know.
That luck could turn back to my side.
I knew my wishes qualified,
so why won't you let me show who I am.

I'm not doing this because of you.
And I, I'm not here because you want me to.
I know you're feeling you can see me through.
Well, it's all lost the moment I stop to think.

Now I'm leaving you in fear,
but I will come back every year to be the fifth wheel you don't need.
I'll be a reason for you to speed.
So why won't you let me show who I am.

The moment I stop to think, same moment as I start to sink.
Sometimes I wish I were like you, so why won't you try to see who I am.

- Stop to Think, Millencolin